jokes about police
- Police Exam
- A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you
had to arrest your own ...
- Theater
- This one guy was at a theater and he was sprawled out over 3 seats.
The usher came by and told the ...
- Police Comment Transcriptions
- Police Comment Transcriptions
The following 15 Police Comments were taken from actual police car ...
- Drunk
- A drunk wakes up in jail and asks the first police officer he sees, "Why am I here?" The officer ...
- Speeding
- A cop stops a guy for speeding
Cop: License and registration...It says here you need glasses!
...
- jail
- My brother took going to jail really badly... He refused food and drinks, he spat and swore at ...
- Juggler
- A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are those machetes ...
- Traffic Cop
- I got pulled over by a traffic cop. He walked up to my window and said, "Papers." I said, "Scissors, ...
- K-9
- Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to
find her house ransacked and burglarized. She ...
- Robbed Police station
- The local police station was robbed. All the toilets were taken!
The police have nothing to go ...
- A couple in a Car
- A cop was patrolling at night in a well-known spot. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior ...
- Stop Sign
- A cop pulls a young guy over:
"Hello officer" said the smart aleck kid.
"Young man did you see ...
- Lawyer
- A man hired a lawyer when he got sued by his company for embezzlement of many millions. At the ...
- Police
- The police didn't believe me when I told them I found a flying carpet.
They called the whole ...
- Blonde Speeding
- A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a ...
- Police
- I just said, “No comment” all the way ...
- A very successful Lawyer
- A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Porsche Carrera GT in front of the office, ready to ...
- Tests
- Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says ...
- Can not
- Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says ...
- Riot Police
- Why do riot police like to get to ...
- Drunk Driver
- A guy who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, ...
- Court
- Defendant (after being sentenced to 90 days in jail): Can I address the court?
Judge: Of course.
...
- Pulled over
- A guy got pulled over for speeding and the cop said, “Do you know how fast you were going, sir?” ...
- Straight Line
- A cop is doing standard patrol when he notices a car swerving all over the road. He quickly turns ...
- Walk the Line
- A cop is doing standard patrol when he notices a car swerving all over the road. He quickly turns ...
- Cop
- While I was "flying" down the road yesterday (i.e. 4 km/h over the limit), I passed over a bridge ...
- Cops
- What's a Cop's favorite ...
- Police
- Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “ ...
- Amish
- An Amish lady trots down the road in her horse and buggy when a cop pulls her over. "Ma'am," says ...
- Missing
- A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing.
The police arrive and ask for a ...
- Jail
- Brian hit rock bottom. He was going to jail for insider trading and it couldn’t get much worse ...
- Speeding Ticket
- While I was flying down the road yesterday (only 15 mph over), Inoticed a
cop with a radar gun ...
- Police
- I got pulled over by the police. He came to the window and said papers ...
I said - scissors, I ...
- Police
- Police officer talks to a driver: Your tail light is broken, your tires must be exchanged and your ...
- A Drunk
- A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth. A cop on the ...
- Don't say this to a cop
- The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.
20. I can't reach my license ...
- Bridge
- A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." ...
- Guns
- A guy makes a rolling stop at a stop sign, and gets pulled over by a local policeman.
The guy ...
- Bridge
- A truck driver is driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads “Low Bridge Ahead.” ...
- Hooker?
- Ole was walking home late at night, through the park and sees a woman in the shadows.
"Twenty ...
- Drunk
- A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a ...
- Prisoner
- A prisoner is finally released, after many years in jail. He stands at the pavement, yelling, "I'm ...
- pope
- After getting all of Pope Benedicts luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesnt travel light), the ...
- Pulled over
- A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a ...
- Movie
- When the usher noticed a man stretched across three seats in the movie theater, he walked over and ...
- The Energizer Bunny
- The Energizer Bunny, known best for "going and going and going..." passed away last evening. Upon ...
- Lost Cat
- “Hi, police department? I’ve lost my cat and …
“Sorry lady, this is not a police job, we ...
- A drunk
- A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had broken in to his car.
'They've stolen the ...
- Phone
- A phone gets thrown into a jail cell.
His cell mate looks at him and asks "what are you being ...
- Watch out for the Monkey
- So I was walking down the street and a monkey jumped on me. I went up to a police officer and asked, ...
- Drunk
- A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic.
He walks up to the drivers window ...
- SMART ASS ANSWERS according to Reader's Digest
- Smart Ass Answer #5:
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. ...
- Theatre
- A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and ...
- Local Police Station
- Little Davies's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw ...
- Smart Ass Answers
- SMART ASS ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline.
"Would you like dinner?" ...
- Blondes
- Two blondes were sitting at a table in a club, when a guy invites one of them to dance. She asks ...
- Bizarre Police Reports
- Bizarre Police Reports
In Detroit, Oregon, a hunter thought he had found a severed human head ...
- Too much to drink
- A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him ...
- Politicians
- One day the whole state legislature was aboard the official state bus touring a rural area. The ...
- Grandpa
- A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall.
He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've ...
- Lecture
- John was the cop in a small town where everyone knew each other. One night, during his night patrol, ...
- Drunk
- John was the cop in a small town where everyone knew each other. One night, during his night patrol, ...
- Lecture
- On New Year's Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and ...
- Directions
- A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
...
- Nudist
- A hole has been found in the nudist camp ...
- Tongue-Twister
- Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion.
I imagine he'll be given a tough ...
- Plane Crash
- A small 1 seater plane crashed into a cemetery. Police have recovered 102 bodies so far and will ...
- Lookout
- Did you hear the police are on the lookout for a psychic midget?
Yeah, there is a small medium ...
- 40
- Everybody knows 40 is the new 30, right? But the police officer giving me a speeding ticket couldn ...
- Police
- A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light.
The driver is a real jerk, ...
- Silent
- "You have the right to remain silent."
...
- Heaven and Hell
- Heaven is Where:
the Police are British, the Chefs are Italian, the Mechanics are German, the ...
- Stolen toilets
- They stole all the toilets from the Police ...
- Two old guys
- Two old guys, Rodger and Chuck, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels ...
- TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN
- TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Ok ok,give them a ...
- Robber
- Why did the robber apply for a job in the police station?
Because there was a notice board outside ...
- Long Line
- I come from a long line of police marksmen, except my grandfather, he was a bank robber.
He died ...
- Armed Robber
- A shop assistant tried stopping an armed robber by attacking him with a labeling gun.
Police are ...
- Round like a shot
- Going to bed the other night I noticed people in my shed stealing things. I phoned the police but ...
- Different degrees of blondeness
- Different degrees of blondeness
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang ...
- Driving and Dating
- What do driving and dating have in common?
Both end up with you being chased by the police if ...
- Driving and Knitting
- This police officer sees an old lady at the same time so after driving next to her for awhile he ...
- Shooting
- A man took a bullet to the face in a shooting last week. If anyone has any information please call ...
- Fire
- This lady was at the gas station pumping gas and smoking a cigarette when her arm caught fire.
...
- A little old lady
- A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in ...
- Lost it
- A policeman finds someone crawling on all fours in the middle of the street. The cop approaches him ...
- Two kids
- Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. ...
- Drunk
- The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. ...
- Speeding
- A man was pulled over for speeding. The officer walks up to the car and says to the driver, "Look, ...
- The drunk
- A drunk, passed out in the middle of town, was picked up by the cops.
After sobering up, the cops ...
- Parrot Talk
- One day a guy walked into a pet store to buy a parrot.
He found one that he liked and went up to ...
- Police
- A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be ...
- Weight
- Firefighters are worth their weight in gold.
...
- A Police Officer
- A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early ...
- Stealing
- A woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, âWhat did you ...
- Things not to say to police officers
- 1. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
2. Aren't you the guy ...
- Hipsters
- I met two hipsters today, they had the same outfit, shirt, trousers, even the belt!
I asked "did ...
- Speed
- (Note for those unfamiliar with the British road network: 'A' roads are main, or arterial, roads ...
- Prison
- I was driving by the prison the other night when I saw a midget climbing down from a window.
I ...
- Police
- The following were purportedly taken off of actual police car videos around the USA...
"Take ...
