jokes about police

Cops dont give tickets to pretty girls #police
This police report is about the worst possible crime!
A new drug fighting approach from the local police
A police officer caught beating kids on college campus
If its the thought that counts #jail
Cop pulls over dunkin donut truck
Ok, lets put things in perspective
fat police officer arrest guy
Police hit car
prisoner police transport escape
chicken crossing road police
police little kid mustang
Police Exam
A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own ...
Police Comment Transcriptions
Police Comment Transcriptions The following 15 Police Comments were taken from actual police car ...
jail
My brother took going to jail really badly... He refused food and drinks, he spat and swore at ...
Juggler
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are those machetes ...
K-9
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She ...
A couple in a Car
A cop was patrolling at night in a well-known spot. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior ...
Stop Sign
A cop pulls a young guy over: "Hello officer" said the smart aleck kid. "Young man did you see ...
Blonde Speeding
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a ...
A very successful Lawyer
A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Porsche Carrera GT in front of the office, ready to ...
Tests
Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says ...
Court
Defendant (after being sentenced to 90 days in jail): Can I address the court? Judge: Of course. ...
Drunk Driver
A guy who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, ...
Walk the Line
A cop is doing standard patrol when he notices a car swerving all over the road. He quickly turns ...
Cop
While I was "flying" down the road yesterday (i.e. 4 km/h over the limit), I passed over a bridge ...
Police
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “ ...
Amish
An Amish lady trots down the road in her horse and buggy when a cop pulls her over. "Ma'am," says ...
Missing
A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a ...
Speeding Ticket
While I was flying down the road yesterday (only 15 mph over), Inoticed a cop with a radar gun ...
A Drunk
A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth. A cop on the ...
Don't say this to a cop
The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over. 20. I can't reach my license ...
Guns
A guy makes a rolling stop at a stop sign, and gets pulled over by a local policeman. The guy ...
Bridge
A truck driver is driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads “Low Bridge Ahead.” ...
Hooker?
Ole was walking home late at night, through the park and sees a woman in the shadows. "Twenty ...
Prisoner
A prisoner is finally released, after many years in jail. He stands at the pavement, yelling, "I'm ...
Drunk
A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a ...
pope
After getting all of Pope Benedicts luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesnt travel light), the ...
Pulled over
A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a ...
Movie
When the usher noticed a man stretched across three seats in the movie theater, he walked over and ...
The Energizer Bunny
The Energizer Bunny, known best for "going and going and going..." passed away last evening. Upon ...
Lost Cat
“Hi, police department? I’ve lost my cat and … “Sorry lady, this is not a police job, we ...
A drunk
A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had broken in to his car. 'They've stolen the ...
Drunk
A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic. He walks up to the drivers window ...
SMART ASS ANSWERS according to Reader's Digest
Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. ...
Theatre
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and ...
Local Police Station
Little Davies's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw ...
Smart Ass Answers
SMART ASS ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. "Would you like dinner?" ...
Blondes
Two blondes were sitting at a table in a club, when a guy invites one of them to dance. She asks ...
Bizarre Police Reports
Bizarre Police Reports In Detroit, Oregon, a hunter thought he had found a severed human head ...
Too much to drink
A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him ...
Politicians
One day the whole state legislature was aboard the official state bus touring a rural area. The ...
Grandpa
A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've ...
Drunk
John was the cop in a small town where everyone knew each other. One night, during his night patrol, ...
Lecture
On New Year's Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and ...
Directions
A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. ...
Nudist
A hole has been found in the nudist camp ...
Plane Crash
A small 1 seater plane crashed into a cemetery. Police have recovered 102 bodies so far and will ...
Police
A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light. The driver is a real jerk, ...
Two old guys
Two old guys, Rodger and Chuck, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels ...
Heaven and Hell
Heaven is Where: the Police are British, the Chefs are Italian, the Mechanics are German, the ...
Stolen toilets
They stole all the toilets from the Police ...
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. Ok ok,give them a ...
Robber
Why did the robber apply for a job in the police station? Because there was a notice board outside ...
Round like a shot
Going to bed the other night I noticed people in my shed stealing things. I phoned the police but ...
Different degrees of blondeness
Different degrees of blondeness FIRST DEGREE A married couple were asleep when the phone rang ...
Driving and Dating
What do driving and dating have in common? Both end up with you being chased by the police if ...
Driving and Knitting
This police officer sees an old lady at the same time so after driving next to her for awhile he ...
A little old lady
A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in ...
Fire
This lady was at the gas station pumping gas and smoking a cigarette when her arm caught fire. ...
Lost it
A policeman finds someone crawling on all fours in the middle of the street. The cop approaches him ...
Two kids
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. ...
Drunk
The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. ...
Speeding
A man was pulled over for speeding. The officer walks up to the car and says to the driver, "Look, ...
The drunk
A drunk, passed out in the middle of town, was picked up by the cops. After sobering up, the cops ...
Parrot Talk
One day a guy walked into a pet store to buy a parrot. He found one that he liked and went up to ...
Police
A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be ...
A Police Officer
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early ...
Stealing
A woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, “What did you ...
Things not to say to police officers
1. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 2. Aren't you the guy ...
Hipsters
I met two hipsters today, they had the same outfit, shirt, trousers, even the belt! I asked "did ...
Speed
(Note for those unfamiliar with the British road network: 'A' roads are main, or arterial, roads ...
Shop lifting
An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, " ...
Cyanide
A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. The pharmacist ...
Police
The following were purportedly taken off of actual police car videos around the USA... "Take ...
A newly wed couple
A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the ...
Drunk Driver
From the State where drink driving is considered a sport, comes a true story from the Sunshine ...
Speeding Ticket
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. ...
Things To Think About
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. One tequila, two tequila, three ...
Robbed
A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed. The offenders had also ...
Naked Bikers
Hello, Help! "Send someone over quickly!" the old woman screamed into the phone. "Two ...
Spaghetti
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not ...
Burn Out
Top ten ways that you know you are suffering from "job burnout" 10. You're so tired; you now ...
Burglar
A man goes to the police station wanting to speak to the burglar who broke into his house the night ...
Burglar
A man goes to the police station wanting to speak to the burglar who broke into his house the night ...
The things kids say !!
The things kids say !! 1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm ...
The Philosophy of Ambiguity
The Philosophy of Ambiguity FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE ...
Sand
A border patrol officer is patrolling the border between the United States and Canada one night ...
'OLD' IS WHEN... part 2
'OLD' IS WHEN... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police 'OLD' IS ...
Wanted
Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw ...
Stopping at the Crosswalk
The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, ...
Two prostitutes
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on the roof of their car which read, "TWO ...
Criminals
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw ...
Nightclub
As a nightclub owner, I hired a pianist and a drummer to entertain my customers. After several ...
Mafia
The mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that ...
Interview
Three blondes were all vying for the last available position on the local police force. The ...
22 MPH
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a ...
Pumpkin Patch
In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, ...
Blond Job
A blond walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few ...
Ramblings of a Retired Mind
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped ...
True(?)-Weird News stories
True(?)-Weird News stories 1. Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an ...
An old cop named Murphy
MURPHY goes into the confessional and says to his priest "I had an affair with a woman. . . almost." ...

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