jokes about holiday

leave this for room service on every checkout hotel
A Holiday in the Caribbean
A woman goes on holiday in the Caribbean, whilst staying at her hotel she meets a big black guy. ...
Camping
Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spends relaxing weekends in their motor home. ...
Jump
I called hotel management from the hotel room and said,, “Please, come quick. I’m having an ...
deer camp
Four guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to ...
Hotel
A vacationer telephones a seaside hotel to ask where it was. “It’s only a stone’s throw from ...
Watergate Hotel
A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel in Washington. The bride is concerned, and asks, " ...
Nudist
A hole has been found in the nudist camp ...
Florida Vacation
An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida, his wife was ...
Run
You can’t run through a camping ground. ...
Nudist Camp
A young boy had been taken for his first visit to a nudist camp by his parents. He was surprised ...
Vacation Clothes
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had ...
Managers
Why don’t all the managers go into holiday at once? So people can’t see that the company works ...
Common
What do tight jeans and a cheap ...
Choices
Sam heard all about the great service in the “Sleep Fine Hotel”, so after dropping his stuff in ...
Debts
The hotel proprietor takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the butcher. The ...
Mathematics
A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. Dear Wife, You must realize that you are 54 ...
Mistletoe
Why is the mistletoe hanging over the baggage counter?” asked the airline passenger, amid the ...
Paris
I’ve just had a really big row with my wife about going on holiday. I wanted to go to Paris; she ...
Sing
A man arrived at his holiday guest-house and met the landlady. 'Can you sing?' she snapped. 'No,' ...
The Hotel Bill
The Hotel Bill Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to consider this... ...
The Hotel Bill
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on ...
A Scotsman in New York
A Scotsman is on holiday in New York City. It's a balmy spring day and he is wearing a kilt. A ...
Hotel
When the follow called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told him that ...
Tickets
Mr. and Mrs. Thorne had just reached the airport in the nick of time to catch the plane for their ...
Newly weds
A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband ...
Diet
A group of prosperous businessmen were dining at the Sam’s Hotel in Las Vegas. “Seems to me you ...
High School Reunions and why to avoid them
Rachel, Clare and Samantha haven't seen each other since High School. They rediscover each other ...
Plain Ticket
Man to Ticket Agent: “I want to buy a plane ticket for Norwald... for a vacation, you know...!” ...
A minister
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The ...
Mother in Law
George went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family including his mother-in-law. ...
Microsoft
One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was ...
My Dear Wife
FAX: To My Dear Wife, "You will surely understand that I have certain needs that being with a 54- ...
First Class
She sits down in the first class. A steward, - who has seen her ticket at the entrance - approaches ...
Rejected Titles for the movie Brokeback Mountain
Rejected Titles for the movie Brokeback Mountain: - "PRANCES WITH WOLVES" - "JEREMIAH'S ...
Devil
The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " ...
To My Dear Wife
A husband wrote the following letter for his wife and left it on the dining room table: 'To My ...
Two Priests
Two Priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation ...
Job Interview
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asked a young Engineer fresh out ...
New Age Confucius
This is definitely a NEW AGE Confucius ! Confucius says..... Man who wants pretty nurse, ...
Confucius Say
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient. Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing ...
Pregnant
Bob says to Lester, "You know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation, only this year I'm gonna do ...
Confucius Say
Some old and new ones: Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient. Passionate kiss, like ...
Wal-Mart
Things to do @ Wal-Mart while the significant other is taking his/her sweet time: 1. Get cans of ...
Irish
So two Irishmen are traveling to Australia. Before they leave home, one of their dads gives them ...
Alligator Shoes
A blond was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, ...
Two young Lovers
Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get to the cabin, ...
Pregnant
Billy Bob and Lester were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob told Lester, "You know, I reckon I'm ...
Snoring
The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They ...
Texan Farmer
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. ...
Pork
The leader of the vegetarian society just couldn’t control himself anymore. He just needed to try ...
New Rules
SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go ...
Holy Land
A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there, ...
Can't get out
An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess; the route they were flying ...
A nun and a priest
A nun and a priest were traveling across the desert and realized halfway across that the camel they ...
A few Days off
I decided that I needed a few days off and realized that I had run out of vacation time already. ...
A frog
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is ...
Texas
Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say aboutfolks from Texas ... If someone in a Lowe's store ...
Captured Cowboy
A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief ...
Italian kid
Italian kid.. 'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'. The ...
Tommy visits the Confessional
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman for the last three weekends." ...
Holiday Eating Tips - For The Sane
I hate aspects of this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced frivolity, but ...
Marry
Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of ...
Newly Wed Couple
A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of ...
Florida court
FLORIDA COURT SETS ATHEIST HOLY DAY In Florida, an atheist created a case against the upcoming ...
Local Restaurant
A big Texan cowboy stopped at a local restaurant following a day of drinking and roaming around in ...
Interesting Facts about Texas
Here are some little known, very interesting facts about Texas . 1. Beaumont to El Paso : 742 ...
Women who read
A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota.The husband likes to fish at ...
Alligator shoes
A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation. She wanted to ...
A smile or two
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from ...
European Heighten Threat Levels
European Heighten Threat Levels The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent ...
Elephant
In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University . ...
Creative puns for smart minds
Creative puns for smart minds 1. The roundest knight at King Arthurs Round Table was Sir ...
Product Warnings 1
PRODUCT WARNINGS Dumb and Funny Warning Labels On Products: Liquid Plummer Warning: Do not ...
Ode to Texas
The devil wanted a place on earth Sort of a summer home A place to spend his vacation Whenever ...
Arkansas's Rules
Arkansas's Rules 1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot. 2. Let's get this ...
Children Writing About The Sea
Children Writing About The Sea: 1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. ( ...
9 months later!!!
9 months later!!! Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's ...
Riddles
Q. What's white and goes up? A. A confused snowflake! Q. How long should a reindeer's legs be? ...
Dr. Epstein
Dr. Epstein was a renowned physician who earned his undergraduate, graduate, and medical degrees in ...
Kid's Stories
Kid's Stories While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly ...
Political Science for Dummies
Political Science for Dummies DEMOCRATIC You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You ...
Men vs. Women
NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, ...
Why Men are never Depressed
Why Men are never Depressed Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple ...
Sentenced to Death
A Leeds Fan, a Liverpool fan and a Man u fan were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of ...
Puns
Puns 1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but ...
Children Writing About the Ocean...
Children Writing About the Ocean... 1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight ...
Different
Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, ...
Not a Monk
There was once a man just like me and you. He woke up in the morning, went to work and enjoyed a ...
Beautiful Noise
A man went on a trip to the mountains in Eastern Europe to see the sights... One dark and stormy ...
Cowboy rules
Cowboy rules for: Arizona, Texas , Oklahoma, Colorado , New Mexico , Wyoming , Montana , Utah ...
Halloween Riddles
Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school? He was buttering up his teacher. ...
Good Sunday Morning Material
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" " ...
American Way of Robbery
True Stories of Some of the Dumbest Crooks on Earth: Kentucky (where else?): Two men tried to ...
Memo from Accounting Department
It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in time sheets that ...
Southern FOLKS
Southern FOLKS know their summer weather report: Humidity Humidity Humidity Southern FOLKS ...
Christmas
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claustrophobia! Why does Santa have ...
You might be an engineer if...
You might be an engineer if... You and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the ...
Darwin Awards
Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least ...
Why the US is in deep trouble
Why the US is in deep trouble A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of why. 1. I ...
Pizza Fun
100 ways to order a pizza the fun way... 1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ...

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