jokes about doctors

doctors protest bad handwriting
woman going to the doctor
Told the doctor I broke my arm in two places
Doctor VS Druggist
An older man strode in to his doctors office and said, "Doc, my druggist said to tell you to change ...
A snakes new glasses
"Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The doc fixes him up with a pair ...
Doctor
A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril. ...
Doctor
Patient: "Doc, you gotta help me. I'm under a lot of stress. I keep losing my temper with people." ...
Psychology
In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic ...
Scared blond woman
A blond takes her typewriter to the doctor. "Doc, I'm afraid my typewriter is pregnant." The ...
Senility
An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, ...
At the Doctors
He is worried about a little bump on his forehead. The dr. looks it over and says" yes, i have ...
Doctor
A strained voice called out through the darkened theater, "Please, is there a doctor in the house?!" ...
Crazy people talk
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He ...
Cold
A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed ...
How long to live?
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the ...
Fingers
A man working with an electric saw accidentally saws off all 10 fingers. He rushes to the emergency ...
Older Folks 8.
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw ...
Shoes or Boots
A psychiatrist was trying to comfort a new patient who was terribly upset. "You see, Doc," the ...
Mental Hospital
There was this man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear to the wall and listen. The ...
Constipation
Wilford went to the doctor for constipation. He explained to the doc that it had several days since ...
A 82-year old Man
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor ...
Poker
A doctor got a phone call from one of his colleagues. “We need a fourth for poker,” the voice ...
Doctors
2 doctors are laying in bed after having sex. The guy says "You must be an OBGYN because you can ...
Sweet Tea
A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue .. Doctor: "What happened?" Woman: "Doctor, I ...
Dr. Doctor
Two doctors opened an office in a small town. They put up a sign reading: "Dr Smith and Dr Jones, ...
Drugs
Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before ...
The Cure
A woman went to the doctor's office and was seen by one of the new young doctors. After about four ...
Doctors
A man was constipated, so he decided to go to the doctor. The doctor examined him and explained, " ...
Nurse
A nurse was showing some student nurses through the hospital. "This will be the most hazardous ...
Homer & Darlene
A young farm couple, Homer and Darlene, got married and just couldn't seem to get enough lovin'. In ...
Alabama birth control
A man and and a woman from Alabama don't want any more children because they already have 11. So ...
Gonorrhea
"Doc, I think my son has Gonorrhea", a patient told his urologist on the phone. "The only woman he' ...
Doctor
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I ...
Cigars
A man went to his doctor seeking help for his terrible addiction to cigars. The doctor was quite ...
Two Doctors
Two doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, ...
Sunburn
A man passed out on the beach in Miami for four hours, and got a horrible sunburn, specifically to ...
Smaller
A guy says, "Doctor, Doctor! Help me, I keep thinking I'm getting smaller!" Doctor replies, "Well, ...
Older Folks 4.
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as ...
The testicles of a Texas midget
The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor ...
Wax
The pretty co-ed nervously asked the doctor to perform an unusual operation: the removal of a large ...
Old couple getting married
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida , are all excited about their decision to ...
Doctor
Doctor, doctor you've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking! Do you drink a lot? ...
Lubricant
Murphy's' old lady had been pregnant for some time and now the time had come. He brought her to ...
Blond
Q: Why did the blond tip toe past the medicine cabinet? A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping ...
dream
Mr. Geraldo says to his doctor, "Doc, I had the worst dream of my life last night. I dreamed I was ...
Whos your daddy?
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor ...
Hillbilly
A Forty -Year -Old hillbilly carries a younger hillbilly into the doctors office, deposited him on ...
Erectile Dysfunction
On my 60th birthday, I got a gift certificate from my wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a ...
The Late Tommy Cooper--Comic
The Late Tommy Cooper--Comic 1. Two blondes walked into a building... you'd think at least one ...
Shopping
A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the ...
Pregnant
A young girl was very much interested in the progress of her mother’s pregnancy. Finally the day ...
Mental Hospital
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day,and all the patients were shouting ,'13....13.. ...
Lord Nelson
The new inmate at the mental hospital announced in a loud voice that he was the famous British ...
Six Months to live
A patient was at her doctor's office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, "I ...
Commit suicide
A blonde hurries into the hospital emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger ...
Stupid
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, " ...
The New Doctor in Town
A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older ...
A 86-year-old man
A 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up.... The doctor asked him how he ...
A 93-year-old woman
A 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband, decided ...
Death
Mildred was a 93-year-old woman, particularly despondent over the death of her husband, Earl. She ...
Cucumber
A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a ...
Broken Leg
"HOW DID IT HAPPEN?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man's broken leg. " ...
Hell
one day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he's wallowing in despair, he has his first ...
Checkup
A 75 year-old man goes to his doctor for a check-up.
Doctor: "You're doing fairly well for ...
Rabies
Doctor: I’m sorry to have to tell you that you may have rabies, and it could prove fatal. ...
Grandpa
A six year old goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa When they ...
The Honeymoon
A guy out on the golf course gets hit in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. ...
A Bar
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and ...
Puns
Puns 1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but ...
Doctor
A woman burst out of the examining room screaming after her young physician tells her she is ...
Giving birth
Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in a rural area in the west of England. No running water, ...
Bowel Movements
An old man goes to see the doctor. "it's about my bowel movements..." says the old man. "Are they ...
The Old Man
An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office for his annual physical. After the physical, the ...
The Decision
A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I ...
A doctor and a lawyer
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by ...
Pil
A man goes to the doctor with a swollen leg. After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man ...
Pen
A doctor walks in to an exam room, searching for a pen in his pocket. The doctor pulls out a ...
Erection trouble
A man having trouble achieving an erection decides to consult a witch doctor. The witch doctor ...
Dog
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a dog. Sit on the couch and we will talk about it. But I'm ...
Virgins
Virgin Olaf Swenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota,takes a lightning quick kick from a ...
Moderation
Doctor to patient: "Do you like to drink, smoke, and play around with women?"
"Yes doctor," ...
Depressed
A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't ...
Older Folks 1.
An elderly gentleman... Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor ...
Bad News
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news. Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad ...
The Dentist
A man walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him, he says, "that tooth has ...
Farts
An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas. Fortunately, the ...
Pretty Pussy
John gets home from work one day and finds his pretty blonde wife has been crying. "What's wrong?" ...
Pneumonia
"Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heard once about a doctor treating someone ...
The Saw Mill
Bill and Tom are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill. One day Bill slips and his arm gets ...
Med School
First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human ...
Pizza
A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Mr.Smith. He delivered the pizza to his ...
Man Stories
Man Stories 1.. I was walking through the cemetery this morning and saw a guy Crouching down ...
kids in the Hospital
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on beds next to each other, outside the operating room. ...
Birth Control
An elderly woman went to her local doctor's office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the ...
Red Ears
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ...
Playing Doctor
The seven-year-old told her mother that a little boy in her class asked her to play doctor. "Oh, ...
Really No Comparison
A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a ...
Fat
A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight ...
Rectal exam
A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) ...
A Doctor
A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of ...
The Love Story of Ralph and Edna
THE LOVE STORY OF RALPH & EDNA Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, ...
A Green Spot
A woman goes to her doctor's office,to discuss a strange development. She has discovered a green ...
Twins
A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of ...
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