Notice: Undefined index: dead in /home/httpd/html/amazingjokes.com/3_collection.php on line 160 Jokes about dead

jokes about dead

Punk is not dead, just exhausted
Dead
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk and a dead lawyer on the road? A: There are skid ...
Dead Cat
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead. “How do you know that ...
Dead Wife
A little old man's wife died, he went to the newspaper office to put an obituary in the paper. The ...
Dead
3 men were stranded in a desert. Suddenly, 1 of them died. The other 3 decided that the only ...
Dead Parrot
At dawn the telephone rings, "Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country ...
The mule sale
Dad & Dave saw an ad in the Daily Newspaper and bought a mule for $100. The farmer agreed to ...
Worms
In a School science class four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was ...
Kindergarten pupil
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat.
She asked him if it was dead or alive. ...
At the Vet
A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to ...
A Mortician
A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were ...
Chief Samurai
An emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new chief samurai warrior. Only three applied for ...
A Couple of Hunters
A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to ...
True Story
Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps, Bug-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants! I'm about to tell ...
Little known facts about Penguins
Little known facts about Penguins Did you ever wonder why you never see dead penguins on the ...
Birds
There are 5 birds in a tree. A hunter shoots 2 of them dead. How many birds are left? ...
Three dead bodies
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner ...
Question
Q: What do you call a fly without legs? A: A walk! And Q: What do you call a dead bee? A: ...
Irish Priest Humor
An Irish priest is transferred to Texas . Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring ...
Rabbit
A guy finds his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy ...
Two Bullets
Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and a lawyer. You have a gun with two ...
Dead
I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of ...
Poker
Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops ...
Sexual Positions
It has been studied and determined that the most often used Sexual position for married couples ...
A Chief Samurai
Back in the olden days when Samurai were important, there was a powerful Japanese Emperor who ...
Company Interview
An executive was interviewing a young woman for a position in his company. He wanted to learn ...
Car Names
BMW Bavarian Manure Wagon SATURN Sorry about that unusual rattling noise FIAT Feeble ...
Irish Poker
Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary 's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a ...
Your Duck is Dead
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the ...
Rabbit
This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. ...
Male Pallbearers
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her ...
Hell
one day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he's wallowing in despair, he has his first ...
Oil and Fish
Students at school were asked to write about the harmful environmental effects of oil on fish. ...
Med School
First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human ...
Old Date
An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man. When she returned to her ...
Two Old Men
Two old men feeling they are close to their last days on earth decided to have a last night on the ...
Car names I
ACURA Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile Asia's Curse Upon Rural America AMC All ...
Saving the Easter Bunny
Saving the Easter Bunny A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter ...
Two boys
There were these two boys, Chris and Joe, who boasted about their fathers’ achievements. One day, ...
The group picture
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a ...
Change Course
Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ...
New Panties
A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotch less panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. ...
Bumper stickers
I love animals, they taste great. EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later. " ...
Dead Goldfish
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. ...
Dead
A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, ...
An 80 year old Man
80 year old man went to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the ...
Turkey Hunter
An 80 year old man went to the doctor for a check-up and the doctor was amazed at what good shape ...
Politicians
One day the whole state legislature was aboard the official state bus touring a rural area. The ...
Panda
A panda walks into a bar, sits down and order a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and ...
Santaman
Reasons Santa can't be a man: Men can't pack a bag. Men wouldn't be caught dead wearing red ...
Toilet Walls Graffiti
Toilet Walls Graffiti: I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards. -- ...
Holidaying on the Australian Coast
A bloke's wife went missing while holidaying on the Australian coast.He spent a terrible night ...
The Affair 2
A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be ...
Country Politics
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road ...
Some Halloween Lessons from the Movie Theater
17. When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see if it's really dead. 1 ...
Three dead bodies
turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls in the police ...
Parakeet
A fellow walks into a pet store and asks to buy a canary. The proprietor replies, "I'm fresh out, ...
Oxymorons
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? 2. Why is the third hand On the watch Called the ...
Catholic Dog
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, ...
Alligator Shoes
A blond was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, ...
Accident
At the scene of a terrible road accident, a guy is laying sprawled out on the road, seemingly stone ...
Einstein
Albert Einstein used to go to dinners where he was invited to give a speech. One day, on his way to ...
Dead Friends
Tragically, three friends die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the gates of heaven. ...
Grandma and Grandpa
Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on TV. The evangelist called to all who wanted ...
Dead Lawyer
A guy phones a law firm and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer." The receptionist says, "I'm sorry, ...
Notes from the Edge of Life
Dear Noah, We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5. Sincerely, Unicorns ...
The Blond's Last Ride
This is the story of the poor blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. He has a ...
Rooster
A farmer goes out and buys a new, young rooster. As soon as he brings him home, the young rooster ...
Life Cycle
I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should start out dead and get it out of the way. Then, ...
An Elderly Couple
An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the ...
Holy Land
A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there, ...
The Life Cycle
I think the life cycle is all backwards You should start out dead and get it out of the way. ...
Why, Why, Why
Why, Why, Why Do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead? ...
The Bowl of Chili
A young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in Western Oklahoma. He sits at the counter and notices an ...
What an Irish way to Die
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. ' Brenda , ...
Lawyer
An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become ...
Drowned Husband
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, ...
Disorder in the American Courts
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said ...
The Eternal Optimist
Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad ...
Performance Evaluations
-- Since my last report, this employee not only hit rock bottom, he's begun tunneling. -- His team ...
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? ( 1 ) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, ...
Florida Vacation
An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida, his wife was ...
A skinny little white Guy
A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE African American guy ...
Boobs and Willies
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?' ...
Love Lines?
Love Lines? I thought that I could love no other. Until, that is, I met your brother. Roses ...
Students
These are actual comments made on students report cards by teachers in the New York City public ...
Head of Household
Head of Household When everyone on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared ...
An 80-year-old Man
An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. ...
The Preacher
An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that ...
90 year old father
A 90 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.
...
Definitions II
Definitions II 13)Experience : The name men give to their mistakes 14)Philosopher : A fool ...
Santa
Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right. Mrs. Claus had burned all ...
Insanity
The Warning Signs of Insanity... Everyone you meet appears to have tentacles growing out of ...
Underwear
Listen up! If you don't laugh out loud at this one, call the morgue and reserve a tray, because you ...
Whos your daddy?
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor ...
The Nun and Hooters
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters restaurant. The place was ...
Mother in Law
George went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family including his mother-in-law. ...
The Secret to a Long and Happy Marriage
The Secret to a Long and Happy Marriage. A couple was celebrating their golden wedding ...
The Love Story of Ralph and Edna
THE LOVE STORY OF RALPH & EDNA Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, ...
Married
Comebacks to that all time favorite question "Why Aren't You Married Yet?" You haven't asked yet. ...
Circus
A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older ...
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