Math

Teacher asks student: What is the half of 8?
Student: horizontally or vertically?
Teacher: What do mean?
Student: Horizontally it is 0 and vertically it is 3.

Maths is like sex....
ADD the bed
MINUS the clothes
DIVIDE the legs
and pray you don't MULTIPLY.

Q: Why was the math textbook so sad?
A: He had a lot of problems!

A team of engineers were required to measure the height of a flag pole. They only had a measuring tape, and were getting quite frustrated trying to keep the tape along the pole. It kept falling down, etc. A mathematician comes along, finds out their problem, and proceeds to remove the pole from the ground and measure it easily. When he leaves, one engineer says to the other: "Just like a mathematician! We need to know the height, and he gives us the length!"