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"Earlier this week in France a 62-year-old man was rushed to the emergency room and 350 coins were removed from his stomach.
Friends say that the worst part was having to watch him make change for a dollar." --Conan O'Brien


"You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow THIS out.'"
--Jerry Seinfeld

"I bet if you were in some old west gang, and you were dragging a guy along the ground with your horse, it'd probably make you
really mad to look back and see him reading a magazine."
--Jack Handey
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