jokes about money
- Student Loan
- Thank you, student loan, for helping me through ...
- Smart Italian
- An Italian walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan ...
- Greece
- I met Greece's finance minister, who was looking for help regarding the situation there.
He asked ...
- Mortgae
- One day Little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his ...
- Money for a new bull
- A farmer went to the local bank to borrow money for a new bull. The loan was made and Banker Bill, ...
- A frog
- A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is ...
- Birthday present
- For his birthday, little Joe asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, ...
- Little Patrick
- For his birthday Little Patrick asked for a 10 speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you ...
- Church Finances
- A Mormon Family, one Monday evening, sat around the fire place and was discussing Church Finances, ...
- Money
- Where does a fish keep his ...
- Tattoo
- Larry gets home late one night, and his wife Linda says, where in the hell have you been?"
He ...
- Money Talks
- People say Money talks...
...
- Money
- When people are wiring money ...
- Money
- "Money can’t buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery."
Spike ...
- Money
- Late one night a mugger wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. " ...
- Money
- A bag of money can be a symbol not only of ...
- Who in the hell is Larry?
- Who in the hell is Larry?
Well Larry is the guy who gets home late one night and: Linda, his ...
- Money
- This is why they take so much of our money.
...
- The United Way
- The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful ...
- Twenty Dollars
- "Hey, Mom," asked Little Johnny, "can you give me twenty dollars?"
"Certainly not," she said. ...
- Landlord
- You know what the worst part about having a landlord is? People think its the money. It's so not ...
- Homeless
- I had an encounter with a homeless man last year that I'll never forget.
That day, my boss ...
- Money Coming In
- An elderly man took his little grandson for a walk around the local cemetery.
Pausing before one ...
- Dollars
- Lots of things don't make sense.
Like ...
- Money
- A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on ...
- Coupon
- I sent my young son to pick up ice cream, I handed him some money and a coupon. Later he came home ...
- Trucker
- A trucker goes into a whorehouse and hands the Madam five hundred dollars. He says, "I want your ...
- Social Worker
- A social worker is facing a mugger with a gun. "Your money or your life!" says the mugger.
"I'm ...
- OLD
- OLD ACADEMICS never die, they just lose their faculties
OLD ACCOUNTANTS never die, they just ...
- dollar
- ...If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive they would eventually find me ...
- Cash
- In a shop for kids, Peter selects a toy car, comes to the cash desk and gives the cashier money- ...
- A smart woman
- There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser ...
- Train
- A scientist gets on a train to go to New York. His cabin also has a poor farmer in it. To pass the ...
- Childhood Sweethearts
- An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married and settled down in their old ...
- Voice
- There’s a guy who lives in Ohio. One morning, he hears a voice in his head. The voice says, "Quit ...
- Radio
- I saw an antique radio at a flea market for only a dollar, but the seller said the volume knob ...
- Meaning of... 'potentially' and 'realistically'
- A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' ...
- Bags of Money
- Mr. Anderson goes to see his doctor feeling a bit unwell. The doctor checks him over and eventually ...
- Dollars
- THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Have you ever wondered if the one dollar bills in your wallet or purse ...
- Panties
- There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day. As the priest is walking by, he looks up ...
- 500 Dollar
- A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should ...
- Jump or Not?
- Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at ...
- The Twenty and The One
- There was this $20 dollar bill and a $1 dollar bill on the
conveyor belt at the downtown Federal ...
- Jump
- Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the ...
- Mafia
- The mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that ...
- Charity
- Why don’t they use tennis matches to raise ...
- Lie
- Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?" ...
- Computers
- You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand ...
- Change
- I left some change in my pants pocket.
Now ...
- Fall
- Now that the Fall is here, I can't wait to make some extra money gathering up everyone's leaves.
...
- Honest
- The city miser was on his death bed, as his last request he asked to be alone with his lawyer, ...
- A Family of Three
- A family of three, during the late 1800's resided a few miles from a small prairie town. ...
- Gay
- So, a gay man goes to church one Sunday. As the offering basket is passed, he drops in a big wad of ...
- Funny Day
- I’s been a funny day so far..
First I found a hat full of money. Then I was chased by an angry ...
- Debts
- The hotel proprietor takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.
The ...
- Happy Bday!
- Birthday card inscription: Recent research revealed that 4 out of 5 people can expect money in ...
- Million Dollar price
- The Winning Question
A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final
...
- Starch in your Shorts
- Grampa and Billy were working out in the garden.
Grampa spies Billy trying to put a worm back ...
- Beggars
- Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him; the ...
- Fortune Teller
- I saw a fortune teller the other day.
She told me I would come into some money.
Last night I did ...
- Blond
- A blond woman desperately needed some money, so she decided to kidnap someone. So she went to the ...
- Another Affair
- A man walks into a nightclub one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. Certainly, Sir, ...
- Older Years of Resolutions...
- RESOLUTION #1:
1999: I will read at least 20 good books a year.
2000: I will read at ...
- The mule sale
- Dad & Dave saw an ad in the Daily Newspaper and bought a mule for $100.
The farmer agreed to ...
- Lawyers and Blondes
- A blonde and a lawyer sit next to each other on a plane. The lawyer asks her to play a game. If he ...
- Morris and his wife Ester
- Morris and his wife Ester went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say,
' ...
- Florida
- Three men are sitting on a bench in their fancy retirement community in Florida
Steve says: "I ...
- $100.00
- A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.
Then he decided ...
- 100
- Little Billy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.
Then he decided to ...
- Hood
- A saw a man with the hood on his coat jumping up and down. People were going crazy, throwing money ...
- Dumb Kid
- A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer,"This is the dumbest kid
...
- Good Sunday Morning Material
- A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
" ...
- The Sausage
- Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could ...
- Wal-Mart
- One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, "My elbow hurts like crazy. I guess I ...
- Lobsters
- I saw a sign at a roadside stand that read, "Lobster Tails ~ $2.00", so I stopped the car, walked ...
- Too Hot
- "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "Honey, what ...
- Post Office
- There was a man who worked for the Post Office... whose job it was to process all the mail that had ...
- Donations
- After church service, a little boy tells the pastor that he is going to give him a lot of money ...
- Implants and Viagra
- There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This ...
- Sitting Guy
- A guy is sitting beside a lake, with a bucket of worms and a hammer.
Another guy comes by and asks ...
- A Travel Agency (blonde joke)
- A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special -- $99!" So she ...
- Half Drunk
- A man comes home from a night of drinking with the boys. As he falls through the doorway of his ...
- Save Money
- Harry staggers exhausted into his house. ‘What’s wrong with you?’ asks his wife. ‘I thought ...
- No money for a drink
- A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "No way. I don't ...
- Thoughts
- If I had a dollar for every time I thought ...
- 21st century
- I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
...
- Unattractive
- If I had a dollar for every time a girl found me unattractive...
...they would eventually find me ...
- Money Problems
- When the lodge meeting broke up, John confided to a friend. “Mike, I’m in a terrible pickle! I ...
- A Man and his Ostrich
- A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks for their ...
- My Son the Vet
- One Sunday, while counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church ...
- Murder at WAL-MART...
- Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve ...
- Wonderful Church Giver
- One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church ...
- Taxi
- A total naked woman rushed in a taxi. The taxi driver turned back and stared at her so keenly. The ...
- Jar
- Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Every time I have pessimistic thoughts, I put a ...
- Broke
- I have to go home this weekend for my mother's 60th birthday party, and I am broke. Now, I know it' ...
- HOW NOT TO COMMIT A BANK ROBBERY
- HOW NOT TO COMMIT A BANK ROBBERY
Here are some easy lessons gleaned from the experiences of a ...
- God
- John, who was in financial difficulty, walked into a church and started to pray. ''Listen God,'' ...
- Real Excuses Tenants Gave for Not Paying Rent
- âI have to make payments on my BMW and iPhone.â
âYou are too wrapped up in the whole ...
- Banking humour
- I had a bunch of American dollars I needed to exchange so I went to the currency exchange window at ...
- Preacher
- There is the story of a preacher who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have ...
