jokes about money

My wife gave me 200 dollars for a Christmas tree
Youll save even more money if you dont buy anything on Black Friday
I dont care how much money you have
Machine takes money #ex #wife
A great lesson to teach your kids #motorcycle #drugs #money
I dont need a valentine #dollars #metabolism
I have enough money to comfortably live my life
to this day the boy bullying me at school still takes my lunch money
A five dollar note edited
2 dollars make it a meal
money can buy you a jet ski
truck moosejaw driver carries less than 50 dollars and is fully naked
advice to mom spend money on child not on slutty clothes
duck stealing money
$1999 because 20 dollars is an outrageous amount of money
hobo begging money for alcohol research
some people are so poor all they have is money
less stuff from the dollar store girl on santa's lap
tree needs money to get back to family forest
car bike run on fat save money
Smart Italian
An Italian walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan ...
Greece
I met Greece's finance minister, who was looking for help regarding the situation there. He asked ...
Mortgae
One day Little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his ...
Money for a new bull
A farmer went to the local bank to borrow money for a new bull. The loan was made and Banker Bill, ...
A frog
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is ...
Birthday present
For his birthday, little Joe asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, ...
Little Patrick
For his birthday Little Patrick asked for a 10 speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you ...
Church Finances
A Mormon Family, one Monday evening, sat around the fire place and was discussing Church Finances, ...
Tattoo
Larry gets home late one night, and his wife Linda says, where in the hell have you been?" He ...
Money Talks
People say Money talks... ...
Money
"Money can’t buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery." Spike ...
Money
Late one night a mugger wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. " ...
Who in the hell is Larry?
Who in the hell is Larry? Well Larry is the guy who gets home late one night and: Linda, his ...
Money
A bag of money can be a symbol not only of ...
The United Way
The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful ...
Twenty Dollars
"Hey, Mom," asked Little Johnny, "can you give me twenty dollars?" "Certainly not," she said. ...
Homeless
I had an encounter with a homeless man last year that I'll never forget. That day, my boss ...
Money Coming In
An elderly man took his little grandson for a walk around the local cemetery. Pausing before one ...
OLD
OLD ACADEMICS never die, they just lose their faculties OLD ACCOUNTANTS never die, they just ...
dollar
...If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive they would eventually find me ...
Trucker
A trucker goes into a whorehouse and hands the Madam five hundred dollars. He says, "I want your ...
Money
A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on ...
Coupon
I sent my young son to pick up ice cream, I handed him some money and a coupon. Later he came home ...
Social Worker
A social worker is facing a mugger with a gun. "Your money or your life!" says the mugger. "I'm ...
Cash
In a shop for kids, Peter selects a toy car, comes to the cash desk and gives the cashier money- ...
A smart woman
There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser ...
Train
A scientist gets on a train to go to New York. His cabin also has a poor farmer in it. To pass the ...
Childhood Sweethearts
An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married and settled down in their old ...
Meaning of... 'potentially' and 'realistically'
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' ...
Dollars
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Have you ever wondered if the one dollar bills in your wallet or purse ...
Bags of Money
Mr. Anderson goes to see his doctor feeling a bit unwell. The doctor checks him over and eventually ...
Panties
There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day. As the priest is walking by, he looks up ...
The Twenty and The One
There was this $20 dollar bill and a $1 dollar bill on the conveyor belt at the downtown Federal ...
500 Dollar
A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should ...
Jump or Not?
Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at ...
Jump
Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the ...
Mafia
The mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that ...
Lie
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?" ...
Debts
The hotel proprietor takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the butcher. The ...
Computers
You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand ...
A Family of Three
A family of three, during the late 1800's resided a few miles from a small prairie town. ...
Gay
So, a gay man goes to church one Sunday. As the offering basket is passed, he drops in a big wad of ...
Starch in your Shorts
Grampa and Billy were working out in the garden. Grampa spies Billy trying to put a worm back ...
Million Dollar price
The Winning Question A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final ...
Older Years of Resolutions...
RESOLUTION #1: 1999: I will read at least 20 good books a year. 2000: I will read at ...
Beggars
Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him; the ...
Fortune Teller
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I did ...
Blond
A blond woman desperately needed some money, so she decided to kidnap someone. So she went to the ...
Another Affair
A man walks into a nightclub one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. Certainly, Sir, ...
Lawyers and Blondes
A blonde and a lawyer sit next to each other on a plane. The lawyer asks her to play a game. If he ...
Morris and his wife Ester
Morris and his wife Ester went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, ' ...
The mule sale
Dad & Dave saw an ad in the Daily Newspaper and bought a mule for $100. The farmer agreed to ...
Dumb Kid
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer,"This is the dumbest kid ...
$100.00
A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided ...
100
Little Billy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to ...
Good Sunday Morning Material
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" " ...
Wal-Mart
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, "My elbow hurts like crazy. I guess I ...
The Sausage
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could ...
Too Hot
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "Honey, what ...
Post Office
There was a man who worked for the Post Office... whose job it was to process all the mail that had ...
Thoughts
If I had a dollar for every time I thought ...
Donations
After church service, a little boy tells the pastor that he is going to give him a lot of money ...
Unattractive
If I had a dollar for every time a girl found me unattractive... ...they would eventually find me ...
Implants and Viagra
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This ...
A Travel Agency (blonde joke)
A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special -- $99!" So she ...
Half Drunk
A man comes home from a night of drinking with the boys. As he falls through the doorway of his ...
Save Money
Harry staggers exhausted into his house. ‘What’s wrong with you?’ asks his wife. ‘I thought ...
No money for a drink
A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "No way. I don't ...
21st century
I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper. ...
A Man and his Ostrich
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their ...
Murder at WAL-MART...
Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve ...
My Son the Vet
One Sunday, while counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church ...
Wonderful Church Giver
One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church ...
Banking humour
I had a bunch of American dollars I needed to exchange so I went to the currency exchange window at ...
HOW NOT TO COMMIT A BANK ROBBERY
HOW NOT TO COMMIT A BANK ROBBERY Here are some easy lessons gleaned from the experiences of a ...
Taxi
A total naked woman rushed in a taxi. The taxi driver turned back and stared at her so keenly. The ...
God
John, who was in financial difficulty, walked into a church and started to pray. ''Listen God,'' ...
Real Excuses Tenants Gave for Not Paying Rent
“I have to make payments on my BMW and iPhone.” “You are too wrapped up in the whole ...
Who Wants to Be a Millionaire
A contestant on 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire' had reached the final plateau. If she answered the ...
Preacher
There is the story of a preacher who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have ...
Car names I
ACURA Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile Asia's Curse Upon Rural America AMC All ...
The Bet
An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted ...
Married
Comebacks to that all time favorite question "Why Aren't You Married Yet?" You haven't asked yet. ...
Spaghetti
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not ...
Trial
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't ...
Lawyer
A man hired a lawyer when he got sued by his company for embezzlement of many millions. At the ...
A woman in short Skirt
A guy is walking down the street, sees a beautiful woman with a very short skirt, approaches her ...
Collect Call
Vicky was at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home collect. Her six-year- ...
A Trucker
A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He ...
Why it's important to understand English
Why it's important to understand English I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, ...
Paint the Porch
A blonde moves to Beverly Hills, hoping to find an acting job. After a couple weeks with no luck, ...
Where would you be
WHERE WOULD YOU BE IF: YOU HAVE ALL THE MONEY YOUR HEART DESIRES YOU HAVE NO WORRIES YOU ...
Pickup Line Comebacks
Man – Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman – Yes, that’s why I don’t go there ...
Undies
A blonde girl came home from college one day and told her mother that a boy had paid her a dollar ...
Your man vs God
A young man once asked God how long a million years was to him.
God replied, "A million years ...
Upskirts
The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind ...
Pay
A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of ...
Insurance
The barn at Larry and Susan's farm burned down, and Susan called the insurance company. Susan: " ...
General Equations & Statistics
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man ...
Blond Rancher
A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, ...

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