jokes about lawyers

Kids dont like this new smoking law
for every male action there is a female overreaction
Minnesote State Law prohibits underwater smoking
ditcher quick hide ditch her divorce lawyers
Trial
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't ...
Disorder in the American Courts
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said ...
Signs That You Might Need A New Lawyer
Signs That You Might Need A New Lawyer * During the trial, you catch him playing his Gameboy. ...
Court quotations
The following quotations are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts by Charles M. ...
Subject: Lawyers
Subject: Lawyers 1. The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They weren't working ... ...
Dead Lawyer
A guy phones a law firm and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer." The receptionist says, "I'm sorry, ...
Lawyers
What do you call one lawyer thrown off a bridge into a river? Pollution. What do you call all the ...
Trial
A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial - a ...
Lawsuit
In a trial, in a small SC town, a prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. She ...
Legal Problems
A man needing some legal help walks into a law firm. He asks an attorney, "If I give you $300 per ...
Florida court
FLORIDA COURT SETS ATHEIST HOLY DAY In Florida, an atheist created a case against the upcoming ...
Nose
Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a ...
Lawyer
An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become ...
Two Lawyers
Two lawyers had been stranded on a deserted island for several months. The only other thing on the ...
Lawyers and Blondes
A blonde and a lawyer sit next to each other on a plane. The lawyer asks her to play a game. If he ...
Lawyers Funeral
Why do you need only two pallbearers at a lawyer's funeral? There are only two handles on a ...
Court
Defendant (after being sentenced to 90 days in jail): Can I address the court? Judge: Of course. ...
Lawyer
A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city subscribed to a fund for his ...
Judge
What do you call a ...
Lawyers
You know it was a cold day in Washington when you see lawyers walking around with their hands in ...
YOU know you need a Different Lawyer when ......
* You met him in prison. * During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway. * ...
Settling a cow case
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's ...
King Solomon
Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit. " ...
Lawyer Fee
A man goes to the lawyer: “What is your fee?” Lawyer says: “1000 US dollars for 3 ...
Stealing
A woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, “What did you ...
Criminal
When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested, we call him ...
Bubba
Down South, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suin' the cigarette companies ...
Lawyer
After drafting a will for an elderly client, the lawyer announced a fee of £50. The client gave ...
Shop lifting
An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, " ...
Speeding Judges
Two small county judges both got arrested for speeding on the same day. Rather than call the state ...
Sue Companies
Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is It true theys suin them cigarette companies fer causin ...
A Lawyer
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriff's Deputy. He thinks that he is smarter ...
A very successful Lawyer
A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Porsche Carrera GT in front of the office, ready to ...
Lawyer
A man hired a lawyer when he got sued by his company for embezzlement of many millions. At the ...
Two Attorneys
Two attorneys were walking out of a bar and a beautiful young lady walks by. One attorney turns to ...
Lawyer
When do you know a lawyer is ...
The Duck
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell ...
Lawyer
To help someone before they commit a crime means you are their accomplice. To help someone after ...
I'm Fine
A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was ...
Accident
In Louisiana, this fella, Boudreaux, had a bad vehicle accident, caused by a truck. In court, the ...
Accident
Clyde decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company ( ...
I'm fine
Farmer Joe was in his car when he was hit by a truck. He decided his injuries from the accident ...
Lawyer
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The ...
Lawyer and Sperm
Q: What do a lawyer and a sperm have in common? A: Both have about a one in 3 million chance of ...
Deathbed
Lying on his deathbed, the wealthy Mr. Sams was instructing his attorney on last-minute changes in ...
Lawyers
Why are buried 10 feet underground? ...
Lawyer
A lawyer dies and goes to the end of a long line at the Pearly Gates. To his surprise, St. Peter ...
50-50
A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. I welcome you into the family,â ...
Two Bullets
Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and a lawyer. You have a gun with two ...
A doctor and a lawyer
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by ...
Crabs
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight ...
Lawyer
A Lawyer and the Pope died at the same time, both went to heaven. They were met at the Pearly Gate ...
Hillbilly
A Forty -Year -Old hillbilly carries a younger hillbilly into the doctors office, deposited him on ...
Dress
The judge frowned at the tired robber and said, “then you admit breaking into the same store on ...
Newest son-in-law
A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I ...
Lawyer
A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead ...
Comeback
If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was ...
An Irish Point of View on the Election race..
An Irish Point of View on the Election race.. We, in Ireland , can't figure out why people are ...
Desert Island
Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you ...
Proof
A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should ...
500 Dollar
A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should ...
Sentenced
Sentenced Frustrated by the routine release of women convicted of misdemeanor prostitution, one ...
Business one-liners
Horngren's Observation: Among economists, the real world is often a special case. Hubbard's Law: ...
LAWS OF THE NATURAL UNIVERSE
LAWS OF THE NATURAL UNIVERSE Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with ...
Lawyer
A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead ...
Police
A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light. The driver is a real jerk, ...
Estate
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. ...
An Elderly Spinster
An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the receptionist she wanted to see the ...
Hammer
A man is in court on trial. The judge says, "On the 3rd August, you were accused of killing your ...
Lawyer
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. " ...
Definitions
Q: What is the definition of a "lucky break"? A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff. ...
The Tavern
A tale is told about a small town that had historically been "dry," but then a local businessman ...
Drugs
Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before ...
Eating Grass
A wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. ...
Jury
A man was chosen for jury duty who really wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every ...
Mother in Law
George went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family including his mother-in-law. ...
Peanuts
A policeman brought four boys before a judge. "They were causing an awful lot of commotion at the ...
The Love Dress
A woman stopped by unannounced at her son's house. She knocked on the door, then immediately walked ...
Holy Land
A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there, ...
A newly wed couple
A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the ...
The Bet
An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted ...
Devil
The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " ...
Traffic Court
At a traffic court, the judge asked the motorist: Tell me, why did you park your car here? The man ...
Law Of Gravity
A blind man went to the airport to fly ...
White House
What do you call someone in the White House who is honest, ethical, intellectual, law abiding, and ...
Plane crash
At the site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed ...
The United Way
The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful ...
Accident
A man had been crossing a street when a car slammed into him. The pedestrian sued the motorist, ...
Old Preacher
An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his Lawyer (both church members), ...
Drunk
The drunken defendant appears yet again before the tired judge, who says, "You have been constantly ...
Relatives
Wife – You hate my relatives! Husband – No, I don’t! In fact, I like your mother-in-law ...
Most Wanted
"It was just a simple misunderstanding, your honor," testified the man charged with indecent ...
Divorce
After reviewing a complicated divorce case, the Judge looks to the husband and says, "Based upon ...
Legal Advice
The Best Legal Advice was spotted on a billboard ad for the law office of Larry L. Archie: “Just ...
Work
Boss: Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at last month's Christmas party, you could ...
Dead
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk and a dead lawyer on the road? A: There are skid ...
The world's first Professional
A doctor, and engineer, a rabbi and a lawyer were debating who was the world's first professional. ...
Dog Tail
A guy was cutting the tail off his dog. His neighbor asked, "What the hell are you doing?" “My ...
Notice
A newly married husband puts a notice in front of his home. For Sale: computer and encyclopedia, ...
Murder
After her conviction of murder in the second degree, the District Attorney, during her sentencing ...

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